Where oh where has my little phone gone!

I lose my phone a lot. Okay, okay I lose a lot of things a lot. But today’s peeve focuses on my phone and how it hates me! I swear when I’m not looking my phone strategies ways to make a fool out of me.  

I wish I had a more loyal cell phone. I want a phone that doesn't bury itself at the bottom of my purse and stops ringing as soon as I dig it out. I want a phone that doesn't leap off tables and out of my hands trying to commit cellicide. A phone that comes with me where ever I go, instead of lazing around the apartment, the car and park benches!

I’m reminded of the (ONE) time I had to buy grocery in high school. The deal was I would buy the groceries and my parents would reimburse me. However the idea that I would have enough money to buy groceries was a ridiculous concept. Back then my debt card was rejected so many times I had to send it to therapy!  Even now it’s starting to show signs of a relapse. 

So I whined and complained my parents into insanity and they gave me the money upfront.  (Perks of being the middle child, my whine makes cheese! Get it…. whine as in wine and cheese as in money…wordplay. Your mom thought it was funny. BURN).  



For the most part I did a good job. I didn’t impulse buy and I found everything on the list. The snag came at checkout. I was short on cash. Embarrassing, but I was use to it. I ran to the car to get my purse, came back and I bought the food. Once my car was packed I looked for my phone. 

Left jean pocket…nope.
Right jean pocket….nope.
Back left jean pocket…nope.
Back right jean pocket…nope.
Nonexistent shirt pockets….nope .
REPEAT….nope.
OH CRAAAAAPPP. It’s gone. 

I checked the passenger seat, the back seat, and the trunk. I checked on top of the car, under the car, and around the car. I looked through the bags and the basket. I went back inside and checked the cash wrap. I asked the cashier, the bag person (politically correctness, WORD TO YOUR MOTHER) , customer service desk and with the manger. No phone. No phone anywhere. 

PANIC!
I lost it. Rephrase. It was stolen. Somebody stole my phone from my basket while I went outside.  WHY? It wasn’t a Motorola Razor or a Nokia Xpress or a Sony Ericsson! It was an Audiovox . There’s nothing flashy about an Audiovox . It had a camera and you could play that snake game on it. It was the cheapest phone money didn’t have to buy, because it was free with an upgrade from Alltel!  I mean if that was an upgrade then a downgrade was a deluxe smoke signal kit. 

The only explanation was that the phone purposefully got itself stolen. No sane person steals an Audiovox. That’s like stealing an AMC Pacer. (I Googled that).
  
Needless to say I was going to get yelled at. The phone’s plan all along! But, I deserved it. I dropped that phone like a Snoop Dogg video, hard and often.

 I can’t remember what my dad yelled at me, but I’m sure it was his standard stuff.

“You make my butt sick of you blah blah blah…how could you be so irresponsible blah blah blah…you’re just like your mother blah blah blah! “

 There was a happy ending though. I got a new phone, scratch that I got a new Audiovox . My dad was the Audiovox of parents. Grrr.