My second peeve of the blog has to do with household cleaning products. I have nothing against them personally, I mean who doesn't love a little pine scented floor wax or cool mango breeze air fresher. No my beef comes from the idea that because I'm a woman I'm suppose to LOVE domestic products. As if it's built into my DNA. God created the heavens and earth and women with the urge to Swifter. Well sorry folks this lady hates cleaning with a passion. I'll do anything to get out of it. Ask my parents. Seriously they have hours and hours of stories to tell, I'm sure. A small percentage of why I live on my own is so no one will ask me to clean stuff.
I guess my aversion to cleaning comes from it being the only thing in my life I feel I can control. Drug addicts have drug,anorexics have starving themselves and I have allowing my place to look like a CSI crime scene. That being said now that I live on my own cleaning has become my cross to bear. My carpet is beige so I have to vacuum. My couch is made of fabric so stains must be avoided and blotted out immediately, and the bathroom has to be scrubbed once a week and bleached every two. I can't function in a dirty bathroom. The hoarder reality shows have also been useful on my road to recovery. First step it admitting that pungent smell is not normal.
But just because I admit the value in cleaning doesn't mean I'm going to breakout my pearls and heels (This is in reference to the title. Love how I pull it all together)
(Fake scenario begins now)
"Hey girl I've got the stuff that will make your whites brighter, your counters less germier, and will last you put to 30 days guaranteed. Plus I'l give you a money saving coupon. Come on lady pick one, pick one, pick one!"
(Splat)
"Clean up on aisle 5, a woman has pass out from money back guarantee bargains overload!" And scene.
Women forced to be the only one to take part in this nightmare. These are women duties they say.
No ones saying that, the collective they say.
Yes they are, I say.
Where did you get that idea, they say.
Listen up, THEY. The same place I get most of my ideas from,TV. More directly commercials, and the imbalance of male-to-female featured household cleaning products ads. You know the ones I'm talking about. A woman standing in her laundry room cursing the day she allowed her son to take part in outdoor sports as she wearily holds up his grass, mud and sweat stained white uniform. Why would you choose white uniforms anyway? Children look at white and a stain instantly appears!
"Woe is me! What I ask, what will ever get this set stain out of this poly blend fabric" she cries to the heavens. In this moment nothing else matters, not war, famine, her own wants and desires that she gave up in order to raise this filthy ungrateful animal, just this stain. But wait, the voice over announcer and the cute cuddly cartoon mascot have good news. There's a super fantastic product will get that stain right out, in a time lapse of 10 minutes. Problem solved. until she walks into the kitchen and find chicken juices dripping from the counter tops! Another product, a dollar, makes me want to holler.
Where's the husband in these scenarios? Not all men are too stupid to know which end of the broom to use. Fullhouse's Danny Tanner is not just a fictional character with a knack for dusting. His based in reality. You don't believe it? Well let me introduce you to my father. He is a cleaning machine.
Though he complains more often enough about being the main domestic in the house, I believe he secretly enjoys it. He won't admit it and will most likely denied it, but I think it's true. Case in point no matter how long or how hard I tried growing up, I never cleaned anything to his satisfaction. Before I even start there he is taking over and scrubbing, vacuuming, and dusting away, showing me how it's really suppose to be done. You don't fool me dad. I'm on to you.
So I advocate to you, ad folks. Mr Clean and that English guy from the Oxyclean commercials aren't the only ones who know how to get out a tough stain. There are plenty of men out there who share the love of latex gloves and dryer sheets. It's high time we give them their dues. If only to allow those poor women standing around talking about toilet paper a chance to turn on the news and realize there are more important things going on around the world.
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